Dear Mr Dastagir ,
My name is Yohanes Haileyesus and I am in 7w1p. The issue I would like you to tackle is the use of mobile phones during the school day. I think it’s an important issue because the pupils don’t concentrate and they become distracted easily when mobile phones are involved.
We shouldn’t be allowed to use our electronic devices unless we have permission from our teachers.
In the English department, we have the privilege of being able to use our electronic devices and online blogs to make it easier for our teachers to mark, edit and publish. It’s easier for us student to do our work instead of wasting paper and writing work more than twice.
At the same time I think we should be able to use our mobile phones to look up the definitions of words if there aren’t enough dictionaries, or to research or look at pictures related to the work.
As I menetioned before, I think we shouldn’t be allowed to use our electronic devices because teachers might think or catch us pupils doing irrelevant and innapropriate things on the Internet. Another reason why we shouldn’t be allowed because its part of school policy unless we are told to bring our electronic devices. Like in English, we bring our devices because we were told we can to use our online blog on Edutronic.net.
I think Edutronic.net is a good website because its a lot easier for us kids and teachers to comment and write on. It is created by the head of English Mr.Waugh.
Therefore its a lot easier for staff in the English department other staff to post homework instead of wasting paper. Edutronic saves a lot of time for pupils and staff.
In addition, we shouldn’t be allowed to use our electronic devices because we might be playing games. We might be texting our friends things in lessons and disrupting them. It doesn’t matter if they’re in the same class or not. If we text our friend in another lesson, their phone will make a notification sound and they will get in trouble for their phones or playing with it with out permission. For example”Do you want to go to Tesco after school to buy so sweets?”
In addition,some of the boys might be texting their friends irrelevant things and might annoy them by cussing their family or culture,background. That’s why this is a issue in school. Really In Truly, it should be delt very quickly otherwise it will escalate, and boys might not listen to the teachers and they will suffer server consequences and sanctions. For example: being put in repheral or beet Pin externally excluded etc. That’s why this is a issue in a school with high standards.
The importance of this issue is major. Otherwise the situation will get WORST. If this isn’t solved, the school standards might drop because of this specific issue. In addition, some teachers will have to change their expectations of the studenstudents.
If the school’s standards drop down, the students will tell their parents and the students will leave because of the school, and the parents apetite will change of the school, it’s most likely that some staff will leave because of the way they are being treated and the disgusting attitude they are seeing and hearing.
Yours sincerely
Yohanes Haileyesus 7W1P.
English class Mr North room 217
April 15, 2015 at 11:11 pm
Hello,
You have made some fair points here that explore why you believe that mobile phones shouldn’t be allowed in school. I am also pleased that you have attempted to explore both sides of the argument.
Targets
1) Try to develop the use of complex sentences as this will help to improve your overall flow. Look at your final paragraph – this is an excellent example of where you have varied your sentences
2) Look at your structure – how might you group your ideas together in a more logical fashion?
3) Aim to re-draft at least one paragraph in order to achieve the Perfect Paragraph badge
http://achieve.community.edutronic.net/stage-one-writing/perfect-paragraph/
How will you meet this criteria?
April 17, 2015 at 12:36 pm
Yo
April 19, 2015 at 7:45 pm
Hi, Sir
how are you doing?, i think my last paragraph is my perfect one.
April 20, 2015 at 2:28 pm
My Speech is should we really be able to use our mobile phone in any department
June 4, 2015 at 8:07 am
Hello Yohanes,
There’s still some work to do here before you achieve either badge.
Look at your sentences and edit them first – is your meaning clear? Are there words missing? Have you used too many words?
Next, you should look at your structure – how can you effectively group all of your ideas together?
Thanks,
Mr North
June 15, 2015 at 3:23 pm
Yohanes,
You must be careful with your use of prepositions and tense. For instance: look at your sentence that begins: ‘In the English department, we have the privilege to use our electronic devices…’
This should read: ‘In the English department, we have the privilege of using our electronic devices…’
Where else do you need to amend this throughout your essay?
June 16, 2015 at 5:20 pm
Re-read and edit your 4th paragraph. Where else do you need to do this?